blogger woes
help! my posts for the month of september are not appearing in the archives. dunno know what is wrong. blogger hates me. i really want a layout change soon. perhaps this will be the final push i need. but not this week lah. too much work. feeling so bogged down. need to go back to bashing my head into the wall. argh.
hmm. i have a tingly feeling on my cheek. wonder why. *prodprod*
mebbe someone sent me a flying kiss.
heh, this is how i make myself feel better.
so sad hor?

morning blues
woke up at 7am this morning, thinking that i had a class at 8. but class is at 10am. oh well, but since i am up, i am up...albeit rather grouchy. bewarebeware. oh well, guess watching sesame street in german class later won't require thaaat much thinking. got an email from someone i met over summer, in singapore. what a pleasant surprise to hear from die Fee. our other halves are long-time friends, with a common interest in music, guitar and err..messiness. met her only once though, and was left with a good impression. i bought a pair of handmade earrings from her, and sold her a bracelet in turn, amidst the bustling crowd at the Clarke Quay sunday flea market. enjoyed that conversation at CHIJmes too. beautiful memories of summer. i really had a wonderful three months...three wonderful months where i didn't bother to blog coz i was having too much fun!

happy! just spoke to daryl on the phone.. he's moved into a permanent place, finally! and now there's a telephone number where i can call him and bother him whenever, rather than staring at the phone and willing it to ring. =) poor boy doesn't know how to cook. he went to the asian supermarket and bought...*drumroll*...instant noodles. how exciting hor? hehe. can't wait till thanksgiving to see him again. perhaps his hair will have all fallen out by then.

gotta rush to school now, time flies by when you're having fun, doesn't it?

weekend snapshots
mood: hard at work (i hope)
Had a great weekend, and don't want it to end coz *sigh* i have a midterm monday morning, for one the the classes that i'm clueless about homework but life goes on anyways coz who gives a heck about me?

Friday i went to the CSA karaoke (noooo...not ka-ri-oh-kee) competition. It was pretty entertaining, and Xiaowei was really good. She did two pitch perfect renditions of Ah-Mei songs, but lost out to a kinda toot guy with an andy lau-ish voice (who sang Eric Moo for the final! ack!) and the ultimate winner, a caucasian girl(singing in english) who truly deserved the win, although some people were kinda peeved at that.There was a funny Jay Chou rap, the usual Jeff Chang ballad plus impossible to sing Coco Lee and Sun Yan Zi songs.. but sadly the MCs were making bad jokes (sea lion noises?!) and were kinda toot. oh well. Popped down to 88 dwinelle too...and the Singapore movie night night seemed to have been quite a success. I Not Stupid is a really good movie, and is in a language that more accurately reflects our own. There's a right mix of english, mandarin, hokkien and slang such that we can relate to what is being enacted on screen. Wanted to watch it again...but couldn't be in 2 places at one time. =(

Saturday was great too. Went up to Tilden for TBP picnic thing...the entire thing was rather disorganized. They almost couldn't have a BBQ coz no one had a light. But it was a glorious way to enjoy a beautiful sunny morning. but it got better. After the picnic Kai and i drove down to the Tilden golf course (but only after getting a little lost) and spent the afternoon at the driving range. I'm terribly lousy at it, can't seem to hit the ball right smack in the center. *sniff* can't wait to go down again, despite the blisters and sore muscles. Yep... it was nice to spend a lazy afternoon with a good friend. But it got better.

Spent the better part of saturday night at Henry's with Kok and Kai, and once again really enjoyed myself. Mentioned it before in the 22nd Sept entry...and it was nice all over again. It's funny how kok doesn't really bother to act all proper in front of me..and does all this vulgar swearing and makes all these crude jokes (about me even! boo!! )....and strangely, i just have hella lot of fun. The three of us talk about soccer, football, people, the past, chio bus, our other halves, and even how male porn stars have the best job in the world (says Kok, like he knows). But, i suspect i was just asked along to be the designated driver, should Kai drink his brains out. =P but they only had 4 beers each, so i had to join in the fun too right? Tried a 'Van Gogh Appletini'...stylo eh? It was pretty tasty, no strong alcoholic bitterness at all...though it was quite strong. Yar, trust me, i drank on an empty stomach. Bad idea. but no, i didn't end the night stumbling down stairs, crashing my car into a tree, or waking up in a strange bed. I bought pad thai...which thankfully helped. Great fun. looking forward till next weekend when we'll do it again. Must practice right? coz he doesn't drink, and i'll have to down all the yam sengs. =) hehz...wishful thinking.

And the magic continued on till today even. Woke up to a liverpool-chealsea match, with great company to boot. Fellow liverpool fan Sudhir came by with a bowl of his super chicken curry, and we enjoyed a last-gasp liverpool victory (woohoo!). Mmm, what a way to start the day. had a heartwarming conversation with darly, and it felt like the conversation would never end...but it had to, eventually, but it helped chase some of that loneliness away. It's never the same not having each other around. the world becomes ever that much more beautiful when you've got someone to share it with. argh. stop thinking about this. stopstopstop! thanksgiving come soon!
yar, i haven't done anything much despite a midterm tomorrow. As of now, i have not yet started studying for the class. However, i have dilligently planned my schedule for next semester, watched some tv, taken a nap, blogged, and eaten. I have even written a 300 word fairytale, in german. Astute readers will accurately deduce that yes, i am screwed.

and the weather so so damn hot.

“It’s difficult to fish in Singapore waters. Because fishes in Singapore are like Singaporeans, die also don’t open mouth.”
--I Not Stupid

NAYS!
worryworryworry...i'm going to do so badly. It is my worst and most stressful semester ever. don't know how to do BioE homework. i feel so stupid. My classmate and i spent the entire night working on it. Yesh, i slept at 5am this morning...i don't know how i managed to drive back from Berkeley. boo. Plus, most of our answers were crap. i'm going to do below the mean for this homework, AGAIN. *tears hair out* i need chocolate...
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we get to talk so little. too little. he's unreachable right now. calls me from a pay fone as often as he cans. but there's only one that seems to be able to call toll-free. plus, its expensive. but so much is happening right now. i just need to know what is happening with him. whether he's safe, whether he's eaten, whether he's got housing. i have all these questions to ask...and he has so much to tell....but at 50 cents/min...we really can't afford the luxury of long conversations twice a day. wish i could fly over right now. *sigh*
YAYS!
Liverpool 5 - Spartak Moscow 0
Schumi-Barrichello 1-2
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another reason why i can't wait for him to get housing: I found the perfect card for him a few days ago. absolutely p-e-r-f-e-c-t. =)

eine ganze neue Welt
to my dearest friends: jia you!!
sending lotsa luv to V back home in singapore...hope you're fine. You've got all of us there for you....so don't worry too much...and write as many emails as you need to let off all that steam. i'm looking forward to the meeting this weekend, will be nice to enjoy the first 'reunion' in 6 weeks. Lotsa huggies from me to you, i'm sure everything will turn out just fine...just take good care of yourself okie? And i'm sure all those many guys around u (*raise eyebrows*) will be there for u too! so yar, write more...wanna hear more about your lives too ya?
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"do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
he should be landing in Frankfurt in less than an hour. i can't help but worry that something bad will happen...13 long hours...how i wish that i could have been there to send him off, to help him with packing, to hold his hand and reassure him, to hug him and tell him to take care, to let him know how much he's loved. but nevertheless, i'm really proud of him for making this decision. for sticking with it despite the many doubts and uncertainties that came with it. for being brave enough to move to a foreign land, enrolled in a university where there is no one at all to tell you where to go, what to do next, and what to expect. *sigh* I can't wait to hear his voice again...and to be the first to share his thoughts upon arriving in the country he will call 'home' for the next 3 years. Boo...the daily hour-long phone calls are never enough....but i suppose that just makes the thought of spending the rest of our lives together that much sweeter. =) but for now, it's back to homework for me. gotta brush up my german, and hopefully realize my dreams of joining him in germany after graduation.

at long last
finally, it's all been settled. no longer do i feel stressed. Instead, i am happy, excited, and nervous all in one. i have that butterfly-in-your-tummy feeling u get when u know that something big and exciting is about to happen, yet you don't know exactly how it'll turn out. I don't want to think about it too much...afterall there are 57 days to go. And i can't deal with all the suspense. so i'll just let the happiness and excitement gradually build up...and hopefully when i step foot in London, i'll still have tons of enthusiasm to spare, despite the gloomy weather, chilly winds and atrocious exchange rate. yippee!
there will be many of us RJCians there, and how fun it will be to have a mini 'reunion'. the birthday party gives an excuse to feel better about the $500 and 3 days of school sacrificed for a week-long trip across the Atlantic. *sigh* i remember my last trip to London in sec 4, with my mum. The trip was (quoting Notting Hill), "surreal, but nice". this time, it sounds even more enticing with a certain special someone also flying in from germany. oh i can't wait! life is good. one can easily get lost in the beauty of europe. Magic happens there.

temptation
i'm tempted. really tempted. before today, i thought that i had it all settled. made up my mind to spend eight glorious days taking in the beuaty of leipzig, frankfurt and london...more importantly, it means eight days with him.
but today, my heart fought a fierce battle against my head...and lost. $700 is no small sum.
will it be money well spent? my heart screams yes, but then i am quickly pulled back to earth. i chide myself for being so spoilt, and for selfishly planning this trip even though it means sacrificing so much time, schoolwork, and money. afterall, there's winter, and spring break, and next summer. goodbye was not forever.
yet i really do want to see him soon. he's not flying back in winter. so i don't know when we'll next meet. spare me the suspense. i miss you.
thinkthinkthinkdecidedecidequick.
donations are welcome.

By the light of the silvery moon
mood: happy!
By the light (by the light)
of the silvery moon
(not the sun but the moon)
I want to spoon
(not a fork but a spoon)
To my honey I'll croon love's tune

Honey moon (honey moon)
Keep on shining in June
(not in May but in June)
Your silvery beams will bring love's dreams
We'll be cuddling soon
By the silvery moon

Happy Mooncake Festival!! I usually don't particularly like mooncake, but today's were really yummy. Couldn't stop myself from pinching more..but hey, each mooncake was cut into 12 pieces...so i didn't each that much right??? Right. It was a pity that the fog rolled in, bringing with it colder weather as compared to the previous few nights. The moon was out, but had none of its usual brilliance due to the low clouds. what a pity....but nevertheless, i had a great time today. Not so much so at the celebrations itself...although it's always nice to meet up with people. I don't care much for socializing...i mainly remained at one spot and talked to people who approached. Not too effective huh? i was genuinely glad to talk to pple and take photos etc...but not on enough to do the initiatiation. but i was happy with my pretty orange lantern, and Samantha, a cute little 2yr old who graciously allowed me a photo with her in exchange for the abovementioned lantern. =)
But what really took the cake (no pun intended) was hanging out all day with hk and kok. I joined them for the Cal-Air Force football game (which we should have won!!!) earlier this afternoon...and then for the next 2 hours amused ourselves on the still sunny memorial glade with a frisbee and football. In between making quite a fool of ourselves with lousy throws and bad aim, we had a great deal of fun! there's something about running bare feet on the cool grass while playing catch that enthralls me, and never fails to lift my spirits. it makes me feel so carefree and happy...just like after a good workout. but what fascinates me even more is how even in the absence of conversation, people can still feel so comfortable with each other...as though there is a certain unspoken language that unites them. what can i say? yay! Moreover, it kept me pretty warm...and i hardly noticed the cold until the festivities started. Popped by durant food court for dinner, and then to Henry's for a drink (2 beers for the guys and none for me, thank you). it was nice talking about friends, and sharing funny anecdotes, and just hanging out. to top the day off, we played four rounds of 'high, middle, low' (a pool game which i had never heard of before) in unit 1...even the tipless cues couldn't dampen our spirits..although it caused quite alot of PJ shots. =)
well, i don't know if they enjoyed the day as much as i did, but i sure hope so. it felt comfortable being there with them, perhaps coz we had alot in common. Hk and i have been friends since sec 2, and kok was once my classmate...and we have mutual friends to bitch about. =) plus i feel like from primary school to jc we have experienced a very similar rafflesian gep culture (which may seem antisocial and elitist to some), and totally understand each other with great ease.
It's been a while since i've felt this way. now that yoek has left for france, i feel like i've lost a close friend, and someone that i can share stuff with. I feel lonely here sometimes, knowing that if anything bad really crops up, i have no female friends really to turn to. I sometimes envy those with close female friends. i find it hard to make good girl friends, usually because i don't try enough, or i'm too bochup and insensitive to really fit in with girls. perhaps that's why i tend to get along better with guys...i am less afraid to speak my mind and offend them, and well...i feel like there's less dependence on each other, which i like. I can flit in and out of conversations, i can call when i feel like it, i can call them names, i can choose to do my own stuff, all without any bad feelings. I can talk about sports, and other stupid things..without worrying that the other person may be completely bored, and just listening for the sake of it. I like the fact that guys tell u exactly how they feel, whether it is to tell u they don't want to talk to you, or they think you're a complete ass. sometimes i don't know how to act around girls...and i think that if i am just myself, i won't really fit in. *sigh* but i still do miss having my girl friends around to be crazy with...so all of u who are reading this..the xiaocharbor gang, the banana family, kaiy, yoek, jq...thanks for putting up with the rather hard-to-live-with person that i am. love u all... *big hug*
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Manymany birthday wishes to my dearest mei, dez. hope u had a great 21st....it was nice talking to you, and hearing the happiness in your voice. good luck in dentistry...study hard and may you find a chio bu soon. hehz. =P take care!

bowled over
mood: overwhelmed
The sunset was so beautiful today. I used to think that endless blue cloudless skies were gorgeous, but today, i changed my mind. driving along the freeway...dusty crimson streaks against a pale blue sky...it was quite a sight to behold. In fact, the weather today was wonderful. I enjoyed every minute of warm sunshine on my skin, and wished i had time for a relaxing dip at strawberry canyon. I hope the weather holds. Weather.com seems to think so, but in Berkeley, you can never be too sure. Yep, i try not to take each day for granted...and never fail to be pleasantly surprised each time we're greeted by sunny blue skies. yep, i'm easily happy..=P
went down to Berkeley Bowl after class just now...and spent over an hour strolling down each and every aisle. Exploring a supermarket is such a wonderful experience, especially when the aisles are stocked chock-full of goodies like exotic eggplant spreads or every kind of cheese imaginable. the fruit and vegetable sections are a vegetarian's heaven. red tomatoes, yellow tomatoes, large ones, tiny ones, tinier ones, huge ones, everything...5 kinds of asparagus, and at least 10 kinds of peaches and nectarines. hell, u can even find rambutans there. and the meat all comes wrapped in brown paper, and you just can't help feel happy seeing the pretty paper packages stack up neatly in your cart.
hmm, we used to stop at every supermarket we came across. Between drooling over expensive chocolate and sneaking food samples, we would just stumble through the aisles, hand in hand, having lots of fun. Yar, so romantic to pak tor in a supermarket hor? anywez, i'm eating alot more vegetables now...eggplant and garden burgers (they're really tasty!!) especially. sometimes i find myself now eating any meat for days on end. Yet it's not like i'm deliberately trying to cut down on meat, but rather i just enjoy eating vegetables, and experiencing the many different tastes i can get out of them. many thanks to yoek for buying all the spreads and pesto and introducing me to the world of tasty vegetables. I've been trying to make my own sandwiches ala Hummingbird Cafe, but unfortunately i'm no where close. =P got some more food today coz i'm hoping to cook more interesting dishes. promised a big greedy pig to cook for him more, so i'd better brush up my skills soon!
Alright, but that will be another story another day. Now i need to go back to lab to start an experiment. Blimey. spent 2 hours talking to kaka about random stuff...from the four heavenly kings to 'xiao tian tian' comics to sex education. ahh..the joys of having a nice housemate. okay, i'd better go NOW. hmm..it's quite scary to be all alone in lab till midnight isn't it? shucks, i'd better stop scaring myself. wish me luck! ={

unfamiliar territory
mood: lost in thought
was watching the liverpool-bolton game yesterday, and what a thriller it was. twice liverpool had the lead, and twice they lost it...it took a last gasp Heskey effort in the 88th minute to sew up the match. hearing 'you'll never walk alone' and chants of 'liverpool' reverberating around the stadium must be a great feeling for the players out there. And when the cameras panned in on the fans, the look of joy and pride in their faces was simply priceless. In a strange way, i felt like crying...and perhaps i did shed a tear or two. dumb huh? there's something about sport that gets me all emotional. Every perfect pass or clever lay-up never fails to amaze me. But what truly keeps me watching is (no, not michael owen) seeing the players give their all physically and mentally. True, not all games produce fireworks, but those that do, leave you staring at the tv for minutes after, replaying the game over and over in your head, and feeling...well, truly satisfied. okay, i'm an official dork. watching zai goals over and over again on my computer makes me happy. =)

then, when i saw my netball in the cupboard, i almost cried again. I remembered a day, not too long ago, when i was part of a great team, and when no netball was simply left on some shelf, untouched... remembering hurts...because it brings back so many memories that will forever be no more than memories. because it reminds me of someone that i was, and never again will be. yes, i do have some big regrets, but the world goes on...and i too will have to move on... Now watching sports, i applaud the winners and losers for their courage and effort...and chide myself for having let go of something that meant so much, not that long ago.
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lots of bits and pieces clogging up my mind
shall leave those for another day...