big apple
almost all packed. yet somehow i don't feel ready to leave. the backpack feels too big yet too small. i feel excited yet apprehensive. sometimes i think, 'hey, i could be in singapore right now'. and i feel empty, and lonely. but...i really do want to explore NY and Boston. And i really do want to spend some time with yoek before she leaves. i don't know why i'm feeling this way. yep, i guess i won't be updating for a few days. too busy having fun i hope. =) anywez, leaving in an hour or so. everyone have fun wherever u are, whatever you're doing. it's summer!! write me.
miss u so, so much. see u soon hor. *sighz*

what's happening to blogger?

i hate computer games
not studying *wails*...i've been playing vampire boy for the last 15 minutes. and i'm already hooked! damn. been at level 6 for a while. Why is Mr. Fire be so angry and why does he want to burn me? why can't vampire boy be like spiderman and stick to walls instead. why are my fingers so retarded? whywhywhy? boohoo. more updates later.
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okay...finally reach level 10 (level 6 was too hard..boo). Better go stardee liaoz. now i'm really good at making a little blip on the screen jump on tiny little blocks, but i don't see how that will help in solving microelectronic circuits. *sighz* time for old-fashioned mugging. geez, i feel like a white lab mouse senselessly going through a maze over and over again.
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liwen makes yummylicious bread pudding, and she just made a batch 2 days ago. i've been eating it for breakfast, lunch and dinner...feel like eating some now, for supper. heehee. thanks, for keeping my tummy nice and stuffed. =)

what to do leh?
it's pretty scary huh? i always seem to complain how we're sucked into a relentless cycle that just goes on and on and on. Before you know it, it's the end of yet another semester. why does time seem to slip by so quickly? perhaps we are caught up in the humdrum of everyday life.. or maybe it's just that we tend to forget. it's incredibly, and a little scary how much we forget, and how hazy and fragmented our past becomes. Barely do i remember all the details of secondary school. It was a wonderful and eventful time. and it totally changed and shaped the person that i am today. it's a little sad to think that i'm barely scratching the surface recalling what memories i still have of life back then. and sadder yet is the thought that this fragmented memory is the closest i will ever be to reliving it. True, not being able to experience it again does give it a special and revered place in my heart...but still i hope one day, maybe at the moment of death, to experience life all over again, to watch the long stored-away secrets and memories reveal themselves for the first and last time.

on a lighter note, make the most of the summer holidays, and don't think about so much crap lah. Here's some suggestions as to what to do in Singapore: Our Country, Our Home. haha.. brainwashing is rather effective.

Blair Witch Project 3: hailstorm
hey all you poor people melting in sweltering 35 degree s'pore heat, it hailed today!! yoekie describes it as "ice rain"...yeah, it was really cool. like obese snow really. our reaction was spectacular. we jumped out from our seats, rushed outside to our balcony and stood in the hail (hey, it's not stupid okay). Who would have thought that we would see such precipitation in late May? freaky weather, but yay! we were shouting and screaming like little kids, and rushing in and out of our house like er...busy bees (i know i have an extremely limited vocabulary). and in the midst of all that pandemonium, we managed to record first-hand footage of this momentous occasion. and while dashing out of the house the tape was still running without our knowledge, adding to the excitement when we watched it later. the shouts and screams, the aimless shots of err..nothing much, the jerky technique...totally BWP...haha. =) not sold in stores. now available for a lowlow price of only $19.99. so call 1800-123-4567 now, and we'll throw in FREE heavy breathing for absolutely nothing!

okay..i am feeling very excited now after retelling this story. *breathe slowly* gotta go back to mugging liaoz. glad we shared that moment together. hard to find someone with the same sense of amazement and excitement over such acts of nature. i don't think it would have been half as fun without you around. so i'm reallyreally happy that we're living in the same house, and thanks fer always being so enthusiastic. yippee!

woohoos/booboos
things to be happy about:
1. last night's candlelit fruit-eating, wine-drinking, word-yelling, picture-taking, hug-giving/receiving, photoframe-exchanging, guitar-playing, catch-upping(okay..i know it's degenerating) gathering at our house. hope u left with smiles on your faces, and memories to last a lifetime. many thanks to YK for the highlight.
2. today's lab BBQ. *drool* got to shoot some hoops too. hope i showed R a thing or two. maybe he won't be so mean to others then.
3. got a library card @ Richmond Public Library. borrowed NY guidebooks, yay! =)
4. tv's working, internet's up and running. pleeeeease be good.
5. Crème-Filled Pirouette French Vanilla "Entertaining Cookies"... eat when bored. really yummy don't u think? (damn, i finished eating it liao)
6. spoke to him lor =)
7. random people visiting this blog. funny. weird. strange (see below)
8. going home soon...23 more days to go!
9. finally having a clean room and floor space. thanks to #1.
10. no exams till next wednesday. heehee...i should just shut up.

things to be un-happy about:
1. today's SMSA mailing list discussion that has somewhat degenerated into a flaming session. Really, i did not expect such childishness. opinions on politics, govt, education, freedom? no prob. but nitpicking emails and unconstructive retorts? rather distasteful don't u think?
2. Amazing race 2. Chris and Alex winners. bah. i like Danny and Oswald. competition can be really ugly.
3. got a library card @ Richmond Public Library. saw weird pervert, boo! =(
4. horrible, yuckky hair. tootoo long.

not much else i guess. i'm a happy person. =) *prances around room*
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google keywords that direct random people to my page:
1. welts from paintballs photos
weird. and sadistic. painful too. to be reminded of my big ugly 'battlescar'. *ouch* hmm...or maybe he just wants to compare. should show him mine. the mother of all paintballing welts.
2. hopped up paintball
okay, i just dun geddit!!! next one's even stranger.
3. mongolian spot bruise
err.......what's that? searched google and found out what a mongolian spot was. yesh, we learn something new everyday.

Unhappy Farter's Day
Did you think i was pissed on saturday? to tell u the truth, i was. don't think that i was angry with u, and unhappy at the long roundabout we had to make. i was irritated instead, at the mysterious farter. *eerie music* Can u imagine how uncomfortable it was to have pungent fumes wafting by your nose in such a small enclosed space? to put it bluntly, it was damn smelly okay. And i don't know who it was. and what made me irritated was that the mysterious farter did not even have the common courtesy to open the freaking window and relieve us of some misery. No, i do not expect you (this is addressed to the farter, not u) to hold your farts until you explode, but yes, i would appreciate it if you'd allow some air in before we faint. thank you. I know how embarassing it can be to own up to it, and proudly proclaim "I FARTED" (even the word 'fart' sounds like it should be hidden away never to see the light of day), but c'mon, surely opening a window doesn't do any harm. It's not like the rest of us will hate you, i mean, we all have experienced the uncomfort of having to pass wind some time or another in the most unsuitable circumstances. man, thank god my window was down. hehe..sorry to show everyone the evil side of xiao, but buay tahan lah. OK, so remember, next time u sit in xiao's black honda accord, pleasepleaseplease:
1. Roll down window
2. Make conversation about it being hot
3. Fart (discreetly if you must)
4. Hold your breath
5. Roll down window even more
6. Apologize if you see everyone is choking and/or tearing (it's only polite)
7. Jump out of car
i would really appreciate it.

ckw
psst, happy birthday. sheng ri kuai le =) Cannot be so suaku already hor. hope u have a good europe trip with vin. Looking forward to the next one in June. take care, and have a great break before entering the crazy med fac at NUS. really glad that we're still pals after these yrs....make sure "our friendship never ends" ya?
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hmm..suddenly been writing so much. to think that some stuff on saturday got me thinking....and things just started spewing(eeks) out from then. and it's funny, coz what i originally wanted to write about on saturday, has somehow decided to retreat into the murky depths of i-dunno-where. =) life, so much to think about, yet so hard to retell. i'll get to it soon, maybe. or maybe not.

conversations by twilight
just wanted to let u know that i really do believe in you. I believe that u know what you're doing without compromising your dreams...and i admire you for that. Whatever you choose to do, i'm sure there's a reason for it, and whatever the outcome, i'm sure u'll gain something from it. sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose...but at least u can't say u didn't try. i'll be here for you, even when we're miles apart. And i'll think of you, with each brilliant sunset, and every yellow wildflower. =)

wishes

Happy 21st Birthday dear.
i'm glad u were surrounded by friends and family and lots and lots of love yesterday. but still, i wish i could have been there, to spend the day with you side by side, hand in hand...
I wish upon u everlasting happiness,
and us, happiness everlasting
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and to my dearest mommy,
Happy Mother's Day!
Thanks for being such a fantabulous mum that i'm always so proud of telling my friends about. Hope you had a great lunch in Pulai Springs, but next time, i'll be the one bringing u out to lunch okay? =) I love you mum, and thank you.

Kick back and relax on YOUR day, and let daddy do all the housework!

life's fireworks (part 2)
mood: dazzled
Guess what? I did go to catch the fireworks. *big grin* Yep, and i have the video to prove it. =P Decided to store away my thoughts for a minute and hopped into the car for a quick drive up Moeser Lane. glad i wasn't pulled over by the 2 police cars i passed on the way. Think i was driving pretty fast...worried that i wouldn't make it in time. There were 3 other cars there, all watching the same breathtaking display. True, it wasn't as nice as i imagined it would be. after all, i was on the wrong side of the bay (not to mention by the time i got there it was almost over). but surely a dazzling display of fireworks is still welcome anyday? it was quite hard trying to film it AND enjoy it. somehow, the real thing, no matter how much further away it is than the zoomzoomzoomed product, wins hands down. somehow seeing it on a small screen or photograph doesn't quite cut it. That's the beauty of life i suppose, actually living, feeling and experiencing such that the pain of every heartbreak, the joys of shared laughter, or the sweetness of private moments are etched forever in our hearts. i was really glad i chased the fireworks...felt like i actually did something important for myself today. even though it wasn't really a big deal at all, i'm glad i overcame inertia, and did something that i really wanted to do. perhaps, i hope, that this will apply to my life as well. =)
i wish u were here with me though...

life's fireworks (part 1)
a jumbled mess of thoughts floating around in my mind right now. some are sweet, some bitter...but nevertheless, new thoughts and experiences are always welcome to be recorded on life's paper. *sigh* internet's down again. won't be able to post this till later. oh well, what's new? getting used to it. Now we're surprised if the internet is working. =) can hear the muffled boom of fireworks in the distance. I wonder if i didn't know there was a carnival in SF whether i would have noticed the noise. probably not. Makes me realise that there's so little that one knows. We are forever in our own little world, wrapped up in a comfortable existance....and this is what we call our 'life'. Yet at any one time, there is so much more going on out there that we don't see, and don't know. Yoek going vegan has greatly opened my eyes not so much to the problem of non-sustainable farming, or cruelty to animals, but rather the fact that most people (including me) live without actually thinking of such issues. okay, i'm sure some think about it, but most don't give it much thought. why don't we care about how food gets to us, or how our clothes are made, or what is fed to the various plants and animals? why is it so far removed from us that it is yet another headline, or just another environmentalist preaching? these are certain questions that may not have a definite answer, but still should be thought about, simply to remind us that there is more to life than what we experience.

mental block
why is it when you are looking for something you can never find it? yet it comes so easily when you don't have to?
maybe i'm just dumb...can't think of very many words that start with K. for some strange reason 'kangaroo' keeps(AHA! another one) koming coming into my mind. Help! I need to go back to kindergarten(AHA!).
**useless fact: kindergarten means 'children garden' in german. there, german's pretty useful after all huh? =P

apologies
mood: reflective
this is dedicated to all the wonderful people who help fill up the blank piece of paper that is life with vivid colours and beautiful images...
sorry about me being me. sorry for all the times i've made u feel like u don't matter. sorry for the coldness in my voice, the harshness in my tone, the nonchalance in my words. i don't mean to sound to be unfriendly, to be hostile, or to be mean. i know sometimes i put up this wall around me. sometimes i'm peeved about something deep down inside...but just not willing to let it out. sometimes i just feel so tired, and not feel like making conversation. i know i shouldn't let my mood get in the way of friendships, but sometimes i just can't be bothered to act happy and friendly all the time. i know how shitty it must feel to have someone blow hot and cold. to have someone in the same house who's refusing to open up. to be with someone cold and defensive despite sitting on the same couch. but remember, this shouldn't make you any less of a friend than u are, for i am just being selfish, grumpy and temperamental. just ignore me, and know how glad i am to have a friend like you.

shivers
brr...cold. The sun is rising..but it looks grey, cold and chilly out. =( why am i online at 6am? Er..first, i was woken up at 5am by an unknown caller. didn't get to the phone in time due to my groggy and disoriented state. but hey, it was in silent mode mah, i hear the phone vibrations pretty good liaoz. second, i went to sleep at 730 pm thinking it was "just a nap"....oh well. that's a confirmation of my pigginess. *sighz* had 5 missed calls in the process. wonder who would have called but left no number...scary huh? and i seem to have received a call from "home" at 430am. but why would any of my housemates call and chat at such an unearthly hour?

oh ya. and it's starting to hit me bad: i miss home terribly

a big hug to u
punch those worries away
ignore the previous post. that was written with my brain in sleep mode..didn't really know what i was talking about after a while. sitting in the school library now. very tired again. Don't know why sleep doesn't seem to have a beneficial effect on me. Maybe i sleep too much. mebbe my biological clock is screwing up. mebbe it's telling me to get married. nah. whatever. Hopefully eating chocolate will clear it up.
i have a class pretty soon. just wanted to leave a little note to a dear friend who's feeling a little down. don't think too much about certain things....sometimes we just have to face some evil, unjust and un-nice things. but this is the price of living. instead of worrying about what it costs, make the most of it what ever chance u have.
"You can't have the light without a shadow"
but i think, look towards the light and you'll never see the shadows, right? no matter what, we can't afford to let little things get us down. You have so much to be thankful for. jc, abc, med, ar, and that gives u so much to think about, and feel happy about. of course no one can be totally happy all the time...so, i certainly don't expect you to be grinning from ear to ear after reading this. I just want u to know that i'm here for you, and that you're a really special person. so cheer up, ya? i'll see you in a bit, and we can bitch about the guys or something...=P *hugz*
alrighty..gotta run, 15 minutes late. take care v.