pre-exam blues

yeeps. i've got 20 hours to study almost 2 month's worth of stuff.
quite alot. but i think i need sleep too.
and i have school tomolo...
*sinking into depression*
i'm still mugging in school right now.
okay not right now right now, but soon i'll get back to work.
*cross fingers*
okiez...got to tear myself away from these terribly cute gifs
and these too!
wish me the best of luck....eeps.

one down and one to go!
today has been a superduper fantastic day in terms of the weather.
i must have sounded really stressed and PMS-ish earlier today.
i was feeling extremely bad.
just wanted to curl up and die.
like my tulips.
*sigh* now i'm sad again.
hehz. one more midterm tomorrow..
then i'll be able to have some rest...and hopefully catch up on my work.
i wonder how everyone is doing...
haven't had the time/chance to chat with anyone..
yeshyesh, I will not forget the first saturday of March! =)

dumdeedum
listening to this really nice song that someone sent to me.
won't/can't say more..
but it's one of the best!

an unrealized dream

hmm.
did u know....
that black tulips do not exist? only dark purple.
“To be truly black, the color would have to be absolutely devoid of any hues or overtones of other colors. In nature, this happens only in death."
that's sad...i've alwez wanted one.
i've always loved white ones.
and i thought that black ones would go perfectly with them.
complements. soulmates.
oh well.
i'll just dream on then.

StreSsEd
just realised that i haven't written in a while..
time just flies by when you're so busy.
yeah..i'm reallyreally busy right now.
school kinda sucks.
i have 2 midterms coming up in the next two days.
wish that i couls just bum around, lie on the grass and watch the sky.
whywhywhy?
why can't sky-watching or grass-lying be recognised activities.
hey, it takes some motivation okay.
all the ladybugs and ants crawling around..
oh yah, and the pokey green grass stabbing at your exposed flesh.
but, not only will we get a nice tan,
we will end up with a much better appreciation of nature.
yesh?
i dunno what made me like the sun more.
what made me start looking out for the natural wonders we see but often overlook in everyday life.
(okay, maaaaybe it started coz i wanted to suntan)
yar...someone alwez tells me i'm very hiao. =P
but i don't think so lah...
i think coming here to berkeley has changed me quite alot.
dun really know why.
that's not really for me to judge.
i just think i've grown, and i've changed.
not radically, but substantially.
do u think so?
tell me okay?
back to my books now.
wish i had some beautiful white tulips..
mine are now all withered and brown.

*sighz*
aren't they gorgeous? =)

post-holiday blues
back from san diego.
had a terrible hectic day.
sad. was very terrible.
boohoohoo.
at least the bulk of it is over.

went to nicole's house for an SMSA committee meeting.
when i was gonna drive off, saw this couple standing there
in the shadows.
talking, laughing, whispering?
i got into my car and looked again. (ok..i kaypoh lah)
she was going home, and he was sending her home.
she on the steps of her house....reluctant to enter and he down on the street making weird signs and gestures...
private little signs that only they share and they can understand.
i was thinking...how sweet.
how nice it is to wanna be with someone all the time..
and how hard it is to let go of that person..
and they looked really happy..=)
i felt really happy for them.
then she went into the house, and he took off.
yeah...he ran off....ran down nicole's street, ran down solano ave.
yeah..i had this impulse to follow him...
but i didn't.
so...
everything went back to normal...
so i drove on home.

blue sea, clear sky
in a couple of hours i'll be in San Diego.
away from here.. and all the work associated with it.
taking a 2 day trip there on this long weekend.
hope that the weather will be glorious.

i'm glad i have a digital/video camera...want to record all the beautiful things that i experience here.
Then when i go home, i'll share it with all of u.
to give u a taste of life here in berkeley, 8452 miles (13601 km) away from home.

a useless page?
Maybe this seems very crap and very unneccessary to you.
but i really need an outlet to vent my frustrations and share my feelings.
when i'm writing here...i feel as though someone out there is actually listening.

i guess i need this.
need a place where i can say anything i want
without getting a bad response.
or getting no response at all for that matter.
a place where no one will laugh at me for being silly.
or chide me for thinking too much.

reading signs
did i mention that i'm learning sign language?
just a small class though..
so kok wee, hopefully we'll be able to sign to each other huh?
*waves hands around frantically*
then we can share secrets right in front of pple's faces and they wouldn't even know....

you're the inspiration
I just realised something bad about this..
i can just come back anytime and change anything that i said.
Unlike a real paper journal, this is not so...so....final?
hm.
why did i decide to start a blog anywez.
hmm...blog sounds evil.
anywez, i was just surfing around on the net when i saw some random guy's blog..
i thought that it'll be cool to have an outlet for one's thoughts, no matter how mundane or wacky.
i can log on here anytime, anywhere that there's a computer (okay..so it's not thaat convenient) and spew some crap.
i'm really forgetful sometimes..so this is good.
and yeah, as my friends know, i am a total procrastinator when it comes to writing emails/letters/etcetc.
i suck.
see..i admit it. so i'll just write anything that pops into mine here....and u guys have to come here and check it out.
hehe...win-win situation. =)

i was inspired by my friend, faith (or fayfee as she hates to be called).
Not only is she an absolute angel, she has a beautiful homepage.
what impresses me (and manymany others) the most are her 'musings'...journal entries like this.
her meaningful entries never fail to touch me.
In her, i see a person extremely kind and beautiful, thoughtful and caring.
i know there's no way i'll ever compare to her.

love in america
Hello...i am in the middle of school right now..
have half an hour to release pent up sexual frustrations.
haha..just kidding. =)
it's Valentines Day here...finally.
It was 16 hours after someone told me 'Happy Vday!' before i could call back and say 'Happy vday!'
haha...we're silly people.
i feel quite irritating sometimes.

Anywez, i was in German class when this guy just BURSTS IN
(with a pretty bunch of flowers in tow)
and asks for this gal in Spanish.
okay. that sounds pretty weird.
anywez i think the poor guy got the wrong class...
heehee. =)

sometimes i wish someone would those kind of things for me.
i like cheesy little things like that. makes me feel really special.
As though that person is willing to put aside his pride for me.
Okay, actually i admit it's a little over the top...yeshyesh..can be paiseh.
i guess i should know how much i mean to someone...
i guess it's more important to always be loved with sincerity rather than occasionally seduced by public displays of affection.
but i'm a dreamer. *sighz*
EVERYDAY should be Vday!! =)

sometimes i worry that we'll stop doing nice things.
and we'll get so comfortable that we forget how to be together..
and how to make each other happy.
and that we'll just sit back and let everything take it's course.

love machine
Thanks for all the love guys..=)
haha..i sound like a big flirt.
I mean, thank u Alvin, Ivy and Kok Wee...*big grin*
(hey Ben, why no news from u?)
nice to know that even though we're on opposite sides of the pacific, we're still in each other's hearts.

"Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it."
- Swedish proverb

go get some trivia at UselessKnowledge.com

i really do appreciate all your love, kindness and concern. It keeps me going, more so than food and water.
Without it, i'd die from a lonely and broken heart...forever unloved and forever restless from unfulfilled dreams.

poetry in (slow)motion
A brilliant poem written by 2 smart and intelligent human beings to commemorate this special day.
*snigger*

Har?!
[blank]
...
hmm
?

sugar, spice and all things nice

Happy Valentines Day to those in Singapore!
Especially to the person i wish i could spend it with.
Thank u for giving me a call this morning...and waking me up.
it's really nice hearing your voice first thing in the morning.
alwez gives me a happy n woozy feeling.
despite our 'discussion' about astrology and silly things of the like...
it was nice knowing that we still feel the same about each other.
and yeah, u made my (V)day...=)

Oh yeah, one more thing.
Happy Chinese New Year!!!
"gong xi gong xi gong xi ni" =)
wah..i can hear the firecrackers going off in my head.
that sounds painful..*ouch*
the thing i miss most though...is the FOOD.
actually not really lah. i really do miss meeting up with long lost aunts, uncles, cousins, greatgrandmother's daughter-in-law's second brother's niece's cousin or something like that lah.
really do. Being away from home really makes me feel it so much more.
Yesterday the singaporeans of my batch had a potluck dinner.
It was great...pity very few pple wore red/orange/flowery stuff though. =P
My household made popiah...not bad eh? quite authentic somemore leh.
Anywez i ate and ate and ate.
then watched tv, play daidee, bridge etc...(i must learn contract bridge one day)
too bad there was school today though!. *grumble*
miss my family lots.
miss my friends lots.
hope that all of u are having a wonderful, bright and cheery day.
I'm thinking of you. =|

It's sad to lose a whole paragraph of your thoughts.
Thinking is so random sometimes.
A sound, an image, a smell...can bring just about anything into your mind.
then your mind starts firing by its own...and makes more and more
connections, bringing more and more previously unthought of thoughts into mind.
yesh. i'm still sore about losing that page.
i'm going to ctrl-c all my entries before i publish.
You don't know about my beautiful snowdrops..
or the sad story about the tulips. Not just any tulips..
but white ones.
When i tell u that yoekie got me white tulips, u won't go
"Aaah, that's nice. You must be really happy."
all these stories lost at the click of a button.
then when u try to recollect what u said, and write it down again..
somehow, the magic is gone.
but i suppose...that just makes it all the more precious.
Anywez, i do have a lovely pot of snowdrops. Small, unassuming, quiet, melancholic, shy. And white.
And a vaseful (is there such a word?) of pretty white tulips. Simple, elegant, pure and clean.
the tulips have not bloomed yet...
the snowdrops look like they aren't too happy.
i've only had these flowers for 2 days and i'm killing them already.
oh well, when i have time i'll tell u about the half-bald and half-dead fern i have in my bathroom.
it's slowly growing back....so i'll just be patient! =)

amnesia
damn.
just typed a whole long chunk...
describing my currrent emotions.
but it's lost...just like that...in cyberspace.
*grr*

It's early in the morning now..
i'm quite dead, got so much homework that i put off.
fell asleep. again.
I think they should invent this special drink to keep u awake just to finish up your homework.
of course i could try coffee, tea and redbull....but caffeine doesn't do too much fer me lah.
*sighz* i think they should just invent this machine to do all last minute homework.
ya. that'll be really helpful.
okie...dunno what i'm saying now..
very tired. and it's only 3 weeks into the semester. *GRRRR*
really looking forward to spring break. i need a breather....this sem will be quite hectic since i'm doing research.
but more importantly, i'm really looking forward to meeting someone special again..
i feel like we haven't seen each other in ages when in fact it's only been 3 weeks...

what makes u really wanna be with someone and see someone?
your 'personality'? or is it just the way your brain is firing signals...
or when certain chemicals gets pumped through your bloodstream.
something about oxytocin...helps u to form bonds i think... hmmm i must have high oxytocin levels then.
i'm always thinking of that special person.
sometimes it's painful to....like after a fight or when we let each other down..but most times, it really keeps me
going, makes each day worthwhile, and makes life easier to bear.
thank u, daryl.

Introduction
my first blog. (hmm..somehow that doesn't sound very polite)
finally.
my own private space in cyberspace where i can say
whatever i want, whenever i want.
but when is space in cyberspace ever truly private anywez?

oh well.

sometimes we just need a place to vent our anger, frustration, sadness and disappointments...
and one to share our joys, happiness, excitement and relief.
a place easily accessible, but also one hard to misplace

"That which is dreamed can never be lost,
can never be undreamed..."
~Master Li



so let this be the safehaven of my thoughts, the keeper of my dreams, and the record of my experiences.

why angelfish?
why booboofish?
u know why.
=)