jingle bells
the best thing about christmas is the boxing day sale. haha. not really lah, although it does make life more exciting. well, i really enjoy being home in singapore for christmas, and spending it with family and close friends. Once again, my family had a potluck cum gift exchange dinner. it was a very singaporean christmassy spread though, with lontong, bak kut teh and chicken rice. my favourite part was the little cardboard christmas tree, lovingly made by my 11-yr old cousin, decorated with handmade ornaments and surrounded by the various to-be-exchanged gifts. =) yay. christmas gives me such a warm and fuzzy feeling.
then it only got better as i met vin, vee and ckw for a cosy christmas countdown/chat at Swisshotel's Introbar. Originally planned to go Cityscape (fantastic views of the city), but changed our minds after finding out about the $40 charge. At midnight, crackers were popped and we had a little water fight with the waterguns hidden inside. We walked out $20 poorer, but refreshed and happy, with multicoloured paper crowns on our heads and a big smile on our faces. but the night was still young, and at ckw's home in "very central" Hougang, we watched The Santa Clause 2 and played mahjong all night long. what a way to celebrate christmas. =)
It would have been nice spending x'mas with him, that's like the only special occasion that we ever get to spend together. well, we'll just have to make up for it in future. =P but it's nice to know that we're both enjoying ourselves, he in New York, and me in Singapore.
we finally got in touch again...guess my family just never told me he called, and he didn't know to try the hp. well, i'm just glad he's safe, and that all this time i was thinking of him, i was never too far away in his thoughts either.
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
Sunday, December 22, 2002
killing me softly
wonder what's up with him now. Haven't heard anything in a while, and it worries me sick. Is he in germany, or the US or on his way to singapore? sadly, i have no idea. I tell myself to have faith and that he will call soon. but the hours go by, and i get more and more restless. i understand that his airtickets are all unconfirmed, and on standby, meaning that he has to be at the gate before knowing if he's on the flight. and i suppose i've been out, and i just got the hp yesterday. maybe he called, but i didn't know. but i'm so sick of maybes, so sick of telling myself he's okay, so sick of telling myself to trust him to call, and so tired of fighting all this frustration and disappointment.
wonder what's up with him now. Haven't heard anything in a while, and it worries me sick. Is he in germany, or the US or on his way to singapore? sadly, i have no idea. I tell myself to have faith and that he will call soon. but the hours go by, and i get more and more restless. i understand that his airtickets are all unconfirmed, and on standby, meaning that he has to be at the gate before knowing if he's on the flight. and i suppose i've been out, and i just got the hp yesterday. maybe he called, but i didn't know. but i'm so sick of maybes, so sick of telling myself he's okay, so sick of telling myself to trust him to call, and so tired of fighting all this frustration and disappointment.
Thursday, December 19, 2002
trading spaces, changing rooms
mood:
what do you think?
a nice blast of humid, hot air. The first thing to greet me upon my arrival at Changi. yippee. The flight was not too bad. i rather enjoyed the turbulence...the kind that jiggles your cup (filled of course, with orange juice that threatens to slosh all over you) around the tray. It reminds me that i'm somewhere high above the clouds, sitting in a huge hunk of metal powered by uncomfortably tiny engines. Looking out of the window at night, the whirring man-made engines look strangely 'unnatural' against the sky and the blanket of clouds. Like they shouldn't be there at all. It's a miracle, i think, to be on a plane with 200 hundred other people, thousands of feet in the sky. And surreal, to have the stars shining down on you, unwaveringly following you across cities, countries, continents and oceans, as though they were guiding you to a final, safe destination. Well, that's what i tell myself at least. And the rainbow. As the plane left Taipei, i was staring out of the window, wanting to arrive in Singapore real bad. And then suddenly there it was.....not a tiny, faint now-you-see-it-now-you-don't rainbow, but a huge big in-your-face rainbow, the kind that you want EVERYONE to know about. It formed a very pretty multi-coloured halo. i remember thinking: Richard Of York Gave Birth In Vain = Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet. Hmm.. how do you remember the colours of the rainbow? Yar. that settled me down a bit, and i conked out for the next 2 hours. =) i sat next to someone who knew some berkeley friends, and who was headed to singapore to visit his girlfriend. good conversation, pretty much by chance since we both made some seat changes. So, time flew by and he got to see my baby bolster and my ugly sleeping face. poor guy.
So that was that. Now that i'm on solid ground and 'home', i feel traces of apprehension about coming back. That strange feeling of having been suddenly displaced, and shoved into this whole new life. I start calling/emailing/contacting friends, unpacking, replacing all the US stuff in my wallet with singapore ones, getting used to the people around you. I feel like a little bird, flittering around and then suddenly returning to the nest it was born, and starting life there all over again. Then, one day, just as it starts looking and feeling more like the home it knows so well, it flies off again, and things change. I know i will start feeling less this way soon. But it's different this time though, coz he'll probably be in New York with the guys, coz he's not around for me to talk to whenever i want to, coz singapore seem that much emptier without him. But i'm not sad or anything. I hope he gets to new york and has a fantastic time. And for me, i can't wait to catch up with old friends, and meet new ones. What's irritating, is having to leave things hanging in the air. Then coming back the next time and trying to pick up from where i left off.
Oh well, no major complaints though. I've spoken to a couple of close friends, and we got all excited about meeting up (sushi buffet and windsurfing, here i come!). Also, i really want to visit my parents in malaysia. Plus, seeing my grandparents' faces light up....priceless. =) yep. don't complain, don't complain. =)
mood:
what do you think?
a nice blast of humid, hot air. The first thing to greet me upon my arrival at Changi. yippee. The flight was not too bad. i rather enjoyed the turbulence...the kind that jiggles your cup (filled of course, with orange juice that threatens to slosh all over you) around the tray. It reminds me that i'm somewhere high above the clouds, sitting in a huge hunk of metal powered by uncomfortably tiny engines. Looking out of the window at night, the whirring man-made engines look strangely 'unnatural' against the sky and the blanket of clouds. Like they shouldn't be there at all. It's a miracle, i think, to be on a plane with 200 hundred other people, thousands of feet in the sky. And surreal, to have the stars shining down on you, unwaveringly following you across cities, countries, continents and oceans, as though they were guiding you to a final, safe destination. Well, that's what i tell myself at least. And the rainbow. As the plane left Taipei, i was staring out of the window, wanting to arrive in Singapore real bad. And then suddenly there it was.....not a tiny, faint now-you-see-it-now-you-don't rainbow, but a huge big in-your-face rainbow, the kind that you want EVERYONE to know about. It formed a very pretty multi-coloured halo. i remember thinking: Richard Of York Gave Birth In Vain = Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet. Hmm.. how do you remember the colours of the rainbow? Yar. that settled me down a bit, and i conked out for the next 2 hours. =) i sat next to someone who knew some berkeley friends, and who was headed to singapore to visit his girlfriend. good conversation, pretty much by chance since we both made some seat changes. So, time flew by and he got to see my baby bolster and my ugly sleeping face. poor guy.
So that was that. Now that i'm on solid ground and 'home', i feel traces of apprehension about coming back. That strange feeling of having been suddenly displaced, and shoved into this whole new life. I start calling/emailing/contacting friends, unpacking, replacing all the US stuff in my wallet with singapore ones, getting used to the people around you. I feel like a little bird, flittering around and then suddenly returning to the nest it was born, and starting life there all over again. Then, one day, just as it starts looking and feeling more like the home it knows so well, it flies off again, and things change. I know i will start feeling less this way soon. But it's different this time though, coz he'll probably be in New York with the guys, coz he's not around for me to talk to whenever i want to, coz singapore seem that much emptier without him. But i'm not sad or anything. I hope he gets to new york and has a fantastic time. And for me, i can't wait to catch up with old friends, and meet new ones. What's irritating, is having to leave things hanging in the air. Then coming back the next time and trying to pick up from where i left off.
Oh well, no major complaints though. I've spoken to a couple of close friends, and we got all excited about meeting up (sushi buffet and windsurfing, here i come!). Also, i really want to visit my parents in malaysia. Plus, seeing my grandparents' faces light up....priceless. =) yep. don't complain, don't complain. =)
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
Sunday, December 01, 2002
post-heaven
it never seems to get any easier to say goodbye. I wish that time would stand still for a moment, and allow us to lose ourselves in each other without having to contend with the distractions of reality. This week has been wonderful to say the least. I must admit, that it was initially a little strange placing my hand into his, and a little unnerving opening up my heart so completely once again. But in no time at all, all that we have shared together these past few years came flooding back and my poor heart once again felt the familiar warmth of having someone to love, and the joy of being loved in return. It just felt so right, being together. I miss holding his hand...and playing our crazy 'seow ah' silly look-scratch hand game, taking silly pictures in the museum, brushing teeth while jostling for space over the tiny sink, laughing over our abominable german conversations. Yep, it's been more than three and a half years, and things have only gotten better. We accept the little oddities and quirks, and have learnt to share and trust each other completely. We do have our odd quarrels, but that doesn't change the fact that we're still very much in love. yesh, in love...that describes us pretty well. We still feel giddy with every "i love you", and feel warm and tingly with every hug, we laugh together, with and at each other, and we hold hands more than anyone else in the world (or so we think). hmm..i wish i was back in london by his side...no matter how dreary it may be compared to sunny san francisco. i suppose the next time we'll meet will be spring break..which seems like an eternity from today. it's irritating how little time we get to spend together...but we're zai right? thanks for sending me to the airport today...remember..we're ausgezeichnet, ya?
it never seems to get any easier to say goodbye. I wish that time would stand still for a moment, and allow us to lose ourselves in each other without having to contend with the distractions of reality. This week has been wonderful to say the least. I must admit, that it was initially a little strange placing my hand into his, and a little unnerving opening up my heart so completely once again. But in no time at all, all that we have shared together these past few years came flooding back and my poor heart once again felt the familiar warmth of having someone to love, and the joy of being loved in return. It just felt so right, being together. I miss holding his hand...and playing our crazy 'seow ah' silly look-scratch hand game, taking silly pictures in the museum, brushing teeth while jostling for space over the tiny sink, laughing over our abominable german conversations. Yep, it's been more than three and a half years, and things have only gotten better. We accept the little oddities and quirks, and have learnt to share and trust each other completely. We do have our odd quarrels, but that doesn't change the fact that we're still very much in love. yesh, in love...that describes us pretty well. We still feel giddy with every "i love you", and feel warm and tingly with every hug, we laugh together, with and at each other, and we hold hands more than anyone else in the world (or so we think). hmm..i wish i was back in london by his side...no matter how dreary it may be compared to sunny san francisco. i suppose the next time we'll meet will be spring break..which seems like an eternity from today. it's irritating how little time we get to spend together...but we're zai right? thanks for sending me to the airport today...remember..we're ausgezeichnet, ya?
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