air-flown card
mood: happy (thanks 2 Ben)
don't u think humans are pretty strange?
like our unsatiable curiousity...do u ever go look at something or watch something coz you're bored or you're curious..and then when u see it u wish u hadn't. U wish that all the thoughts and pictures and words will fly back to where they came from instead of sticking into your head until time slowly makes it all fade away. Did u ever want to know something so bad and keep on asking and asking questions about it? Then when u get an unexpected answer your heart sinks, your head spins and your smile/hope/dream fades? Then u wish that nothing ever happened and everything was like it was before but deep down inside u know that it never will. and the harder u try to forget something the more it pops into your head at odd times giving u that weird sour-bitter hard-to-take feeling again? i experience that feeling alot..i guess i am rather curious...i try to draw conclusions and answers from things happening around me and i am not satisfied with not knowing the whole truth of something especially when i know a bit of it already u know? sometimes it's just better to turn away and snuggle up under your blankie and think happy thoughts. ohwell. i justsaw something that i wanted to see but when i saw it i realised that it was something i really din want to see but it was too late coz i had seen it already, and thought about it...and so the horrible suffocating gnawing feeling was already crawling up on me and i couldn't get away. so now i wish i hadn't seen it but now that i have i guess the only way to be cool about it, keep myself occupied...thinking about it a few times...and hope that it goes away soon.....until the next time i see something when i'm in one of my curious phases again and realise that it's not what i wanna see. Either that or i'll peek at something and i see what i want to see and makes me feel happy and surprised..in a good way.

something surprised me in a good way just now.
got a lovely birfday card from ben. It has lotsa cute little pple on it with little red noses like rudolph the reindeer would. I like it alot!
however, the stamp is sehr hasslich!!! Big picture of the Queen with a big weird(just spelt it wrong!) grin on her face. I think the British royal family are a really interesting bunch....=) when i was younger really wanted to meet prince william...but he's younger than me, so.....
thanks ben, i'm doing great here...but looking forward to summer and the trip!
oh yah...and ur signature makes ur name look like "zen"...hmm....a sign of the 'new' you?
Hey look! a little kao specially dedicated to you! *grinz*

53 down, 66 across
mood: restless
i love doing crossword puzzles..especially the Daily Cal..
i try to do it as often as i can.
quite proud of myself today....did all except for 66 across and 52,53 down (grr).
yay! i think practice really helps. =)
anywez, my mum was the one that got me started on this.
she's really good.
sometimes we'd spend an hour together side-by-side, pondering over a crossword.
not really saying anything but random words..
but still bonding in our own little unique way.
i think she's really cool.
She loves roller coasters (as fast as possible please), but is afraid of riding a bike. she loves making new friends....and talks to anybody and everybody. she gives me lotsa freedom and encourages me to buy things...haha..and she makes alot of silly little jokes that are er...funny (sometimes lah).
yeah, i love my mommy.


went down to the lab today...checked up on these magnetic bead things i'm supposed to read up on.
i'm pretty excited about the research that i'm gonna do. i'll be trying to isolate hematopoetic stem cells from human bone marrow cells using magnetic beads as a sorting technique. Then we'll try and study the differential response of these stem cells in the presence of specific factors...and hopefully understand cell differentiation better.
sometimes people seem so afraid of the new developments in life sciences. Gene therapy, germ-line engineering, gene modification, blahblahblah..
i suppose alot of people worry about the possible consequences of playing around with nature....whether we will end up with a messed up genome and thus screw up the entire human race. But, i think that this is just another step that we have taken, another form of technology that we have developed. In fact, many of the popular arguments against genetic engineering are based on myths that have little or no basis. It is not so easy of genes to hop around, for genes to integrate themselves into another species, for large disastrous changes to occur in the genome as many think it is. Why shouldn't we take this risk and possibly save thousands of lives? Why hinder the research into stem cells when it could yield countless valuable secrets? Okay..this is a science person talking, so maybe i'm just looking at one side of the coin and expressing a biased opinion. True, there are many ethical issues involved in this, and we can't ignore them. Especially in america, where everyone has different opinions and where no one's opinion can be ignored =P. But somehow, i think that people aren't exactly worrying about the right thing. I think the biggest problem with genetic engineering is the control of it. How many people actually know what is going on? Maybe it should be more transparent, and more accessible to the masses. Wouldn't it be scary for the majority to reject the notion of genetic engineering and leave it in the hands of a select few? I would think it should involve every one of us, since it's our genes, our genome that lies in the balance.
oh well, just wrote a long paragraph about nothing much really.
i should be doing my essay instead.
and making dinner.
too tired to say anymore.
i'm so crappy.
hope everyone is happy...=)

mood: stuffed
feeling much better tonite..
yumyum....just had dinner.
hk and yk are over,,,and they bought yummy Church's chicken.
hongkai is a pig. he bought this absolutely unhealthy-looking, heartattack-inducing container full of mac and cheese.
okay..i confessed i sneaked a little...but mostly i ate a healthy home-cooked meal of fried beehoon.
must practice more...someone is coming to visit soon.
someone really greedy. =P
then faith came by to drop off some checks, and gave me a pretty "bee-day" balloon.
wish that i could upload the pic and proudly show it off.
yay~ thank u very much fayfee!

hmm...actually have quite alot of thoughts tonight. (surprisesurprise)
but...my brain is shouting out at me to stop and think.
before i spew it all out.
and my eyes are getting heavier by the minute, willing me to let go of today..
and awake to a fresh new start.
and a lovely day.
i hope i will.


auf wiedersehen~!

word magic
mood: at peace
he writes the best emails.
he really does.
he can make the darkest clouds disappear with just a sentence.
...but no matter how much i want to..
i can't forget this so easily, so fast.

a better tomorrow
mood: sian diao
i sure hope today will be better than yesterday.
felt so crushed and so hurt.
but after crying it all out and sleeping it all away....i feel much better.
although it was quite disappointing initially.....i'm thankful there were many people, dear friends, who helped to make the day so much better.
thanks hk, for "kidnapping" me and driving me around....i finally got to eat the taiwan poridge i've been craving for.
next time we'll go mexico..=)
thanks yoek and liwen, for planning this whole thing....and asking everyone along too...
next time we'll make it to Captain Pell's okay? =)
Also, thanks Yk, Rob n Ilyas for being there to complete the birthday dinner.
(sorry u had to drive to sacramento...haha..)
u don't know how much the dinner meant to me.
u made me feel special, when someone else made me feel like the most unspecial person on earth.
and most of all, u were there for me and took time off just to celebrate my turning 21.
what's so great about that actually? Okay...besides the fact that i can buy alcohol for hk...
and go strip club with ilyas.. butbut...
*innocent look*
do u think i would do things like that?
oh well, at least i had a memorable birthday.


and yippeeyippee yayyay...i like bubbles!
a happy start to a bright and cheery day?

i believe in miracles

mood: excited
i'm really posting so much today,
craziness...
mebbe it helps to take my mind off other things..
anywez, i was just surfing around this homepage with really cute gifs (again!)
and guess what!
the person has the same birth date as me!
amazing....that's totally random...
wow.

a higher connection
i just had this incredible experience talking to ivy.
we were on ICQ chat...talking about summer, beaches and stuff..
then we both typed:
"looking forward..." at the same time!!!
it was so so incredibly cool!
i love coincidences, don't you?

more tests


My Results:
You were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around the territory of what is now know as modern Ukraine, approximately in the year 775.
Your profession was: map maker, astrologer, astronomer.
A brief psychological profile of you in that past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, waited till that life to be liberated. Sometimes environment considered you strange.
A lesson that your last past life wishes you to learn in your present life is:
It always seemed to you, that your perceptions of the world are somewhat different. Your lesson -- to trust your intuition as your best guide in present life.
do you remember?

*ribbit*

	You are Kermit! Though you're technically the star, you're pretty mellow and don't mind letting others share the spotlight. You are also something of a dreamer.
Take the What Muppet Are You? Quiz!

pretty funny....i dun really like kermit.
he's a little too neurotic for me...but hey, at least he's close to Miss Piggy!



hehe...i'm extremely bo liao~
i find pleasure in clicking a button multiple times.

only 14 days to go...i can't wait! =)

coming of age?
seems like i haven't written in a while...
but the fact that february has only 28 days seems to screw things up.
only 4 days have passed actually.
it's been a really tough 4 days for me...had 2 midterms and basically felt very stressed all the time.
My computer has been screwing up lately too.
keeps on hanging when booting up and when shutting down.
but after clearing some space and changing some settings it's behaving much better.
*xiao sayangs computer*
i'm looking forward to the icq meeting in about 30 minutes....
then i'll be sharing this day with a few special people.
yippee.
see? i'm all prepped and ready for u guys... =)
yepyep, abc, vee and i meet (okay..try our best to) every 1st saturday of the month @ 12 midnight singapore time.
that's my 8am right now...*grumble*..and i have to draaaaag myself of bed for this 'reunion'.
haha...not that i mind....just that sometimes i just sleep right through it loh...(like last month!)

should i be feeling happy? excited?
why should i feel any different?
today is just like any other day right?
it's just that i get to watch R(A) movies in s'pore and drink in US.
not that i'll do alot of both anywez.
actually, i would like to watch some R(A) movies in singapore.
sometimes they rate shows R(A) for absolutely dumb reasons.
sometimes, just coz of nudity. and not even full frontal nudity, but just exposed breasts.
like Shakespeare in Love and Amelie.
great shows...only got to watch them in US...heehee.
what's so Restricted about breasts? all the girls have them.
and somehow i'm sure guys have seen them before too. =P
oh well, hopefully i can watch a few more zai shows now.

i dun feel anything much in particular....
definitely not bursting with joy and full of excitement over what the future may hold.
frens have been really nice...
i've received sms from some really good friends,
icq messages from people that i totally didn't expect to hear from (isn't it weird how certain birthdays just stick in your head despite your not seeing/talking to that person in eons?)
snail mail from my family...yay!
and an ecard from dez. what made it even more special was that he wasn't even around in singapore to send it..
yep..he's in Thailand for some NS thing...and is shut off from all civilisation for a month..hehe...
so he got a mutual friend to send one on his behalf. my mei is alwez so sweet larh. hehz...hope he's having fun! *wink*
yepz. think i'll be going out with my housemates for dinner.
somehow..i just dun feel like doing anything today.
just want to curl up in bed and rest, and think, and make wishes that hopefully will come true.

i didn't really have any expectations for today..
well, mebbe i kinda had expectations only for this one person.
simple ones.
a call, a greeting, a message, an acknowledgement...
instead, nothing.
is that how it's supposed to be after 3 years? i sure hope not.
i'm listening to the song...and hope u have a good reason.
i'm still waiting...