pre-exam blues

yeeps. i've got 20 hours to study almost 2 month's worth of stuff.
quite alot. but i think i need sleep too.
and i have school tomolo...
*sinking into depression*
i'm still mugging in school right now.
okay not right now right now, but soon i'll get back to work.
*cross fingers*
okiez...got to tear myself away from these terribly cute gifs
and these too!
wish me the best of luck....eeps.

one down and one to go!
today has been a superduper fantastic day in terms of the weather.
i must have sounded really stressed and PMS-ish earlier today.
i was feeling extremely bad.
just wanted to curl up and die.
like my tulips.
*sigh* now i'm sad again.
hehz. one more midterm tomorrow..
then i'll be able to have some rest...and hopefully catch up on my work.
i wonder how everyone is doing...
haven't had the time/chance to chat with anyone..
yeshyesh, I will not forget the first saturday of March! =)

dumdeedum
listening to this really nice song that someone sent to me.
won't/can't say more..
but it's one of the best!

an unrealized dream

hmm.
did u know....
that black tulips do not exist? only dark purple.
“To be truly black, the color would have to be absolutely devoid of any hues or overtones of other colors. In nature, this happens only in death."
that's sad...i've alwez wanted one.
i've always loved white ones.
and i thought that black ones would go perfectly with them.
complements. soulmates.
oh well.
i'll just dream on then.

StreSsEd
just realised that i haven't written in a while..
time just flies by when you're so busy.
yeah..i'm reallyreally busy right now.
school kinda sucks.
i have 2 midterms coming up in the next two days.
wish that i couls just bum around, lie on the grass and watch the sky.
whywhywhy?
why can't sky-watching or grass-lying be recognised activities.
hey, it takes some motivation okay.
all the ladybugs and ants crawling around..
oh yah, and the pokey green grass stabbing at your exposed flesh.
but, not only will we get a nice tan,
we will end up with a much better appreciation of nature.
yesh?
i dunno what made me like the sun more.
what made me start looking out for the natural wonders we see but often overlook in everyday life.
(okay, maaaaybe it started coz i wanted to suntan)
yar...someone alwez tells me i'm very hiao. =P
but i don't think so lah...
i think coming here to berkeley has changed me quite alot.
dun really know why.
that's not really for me to judge.
i just think i've grown, and i've changed.
not radically, but substantially.
do u think so?
tell me okay?
back to my books now.
wish i had some beautiful white tulips..
mine are now all withered and brown.

*sighz*
aren't they gorgeous? =)

post-holiday blues
back from san diego.
had a terrible hectic day.
sad. was very terrible.
boohoohoo.
at least the bulk of it is over.

went to nicole's house for an SMSA committee meeting.
when i was gonna drive off, saw this couple standing there
in the shadows.
talking, laughing, whispering?
i got into my car and looked again. (ok..i kaypoh lah)
she was going home, and he was sending her home.
she on the steps of her house....reluctant to enter and he down on the street making weird signs and gestures...
private little signs that only they share and they can understand.
i was thinking...how sweet.
how nice it is to wanna be with someone all the time..
and how hard it is to let go of that person..
and they looked really happy..=)
i felt really happy for them.
then she went into the house, and he took off.
yeah...he ran off....ran down nicole's street, ran down solano ave.
yeah..i had this impulse to follow him...
but i didn't.
so...
everything went back to normal...
so i drove on home.

blue sea, clear sky
in a couple of hours i'll be in San Diego.
away from here.. and all the work associated with it.
taking a 2 day trip there on this long weekend.
hope that the weather will be glorious.

i'm glad i have a digital/video camera...want to record all the beautiful things that i experience here.
Then when i go home, i'll share it with all of u.
to give u a taste of life here in berkeley, 8452 miles (13601 km) away from home.

a useless page?
Maybe this seems very crap and very unneccessary to you.
but i really need an outlet to vent my frustrations and share my feelings.
when i'm writing here...i feel as though someone out there is actually listening.

i guess i need this.
need a place where i can say anything i want
without getting a bad response.
or getting no response at all for that matter.
a place where no one will laugh at me for being silly.
or chide me for thinking too much.

reading signs
did i mention that i'm learning sign language?
just a small class though..
so kok wee, hopefully we'll be able to sign to each other huh?
*waves hands around frantically*
then we can share secrets right in front of pple's faces and they wouldn't even know....

you're the inspiration
I just realised something bad about this..
i can just come back anytime and change anything that i said.
Unlike a real paper journal, this is not so...so....final?
hm.
why did i decide to start a blog anywez.
hmm...blog sounds evil.
anywez, i was just surfing around on the net when i saw some random guy's blog..
i thought that it'll be cool to have an outlet for one's thoughts, no matter how mundane or wacky.
i can log on here anytime, anywhere that there's a computer (okay..so it's not thaat convenient) and spew some crap.
i'm really forgetful sometimes..so this is good.
and yeah, as my friends know, i am a total procrastinator when it comes to writing emails/letters/etcetc.
i suck.
see..i admit it. so i'll just write anything that pops into mine here....and u guys have to come here and check it out.
hehe...win-win situation. =)

i was inspired by my friend, faith (or fayfee as she hates to be called).
Not only is she an absolute angel, she has a beautiful homepage.
what impresses me (and manymany others) the most are her 'musings'...journal entries like this.
her meaningful entries never fail to touch me.
In her, i see a person extremely kind and beautiful, thoughtful and caring.
i know there's no way i'll ever compare to her.