monday morning blues
have u peeked out of your window yet? the street is completely covered in fog...can barely see the houses 2 streets away. boo. makes me not wanna leave the comfort of my room to trudge through the cold muggy air just for a statistics lecture. It's pretty fun though, driving through fog...where you can't really see much anywhere around you. if i were feeling really mean, i could sneak up behind the car in front...and horn real loud. hehe. so horrible. must be the fog messing up with my usually pristine thoughts. apparently it's supposed to clear up into a sunny afternoon...we'll see about that! =)
Monday, October 21, 2002
Tuesday, October 15, 2002
a hope in hell
LUCIFER: Helmet or no, you have no power here... what power have dreams in hell?
MORPHEUS: You say I have no power? Perhaps you speak truly... But, you say that Dreams have no power here? Tell me, Lucifer Morningstar.. Ask yourselves, all of you... What power would Hell have if those here imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?
LUCIFER: Helmet or no, you have no power here... what power have dreams in hell?
MORPHEUS: You say I have no power? Perhaps you speak truly... But, you say that Dreams have no power here? Tell me, Lucifer Morningstar.. Ask yourselves, all of you... What power would Hell have if those here imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?
Monday, October 14, 2002
weekend's end
mood:
stuffed
feeling real full right now. *burp* juz came back from an 8 course dinner with kok's grandfather in SF. Ah, the joys of having a big car. =) sure kena invited one. hehe. but now it's time to hit my books again, coz i've got a midterm at 8am, followed by 2 quizzes. i hate mondays.
anywez, i've managed to get my archive for september up and running. there's something wrong with the script so i had to add it using brute force. looks like whatever little HTML i know came in handy.
on a more sombre note, the world is just not safe anywhere anymore. pretty sickening stuff.
mood:
stuffed
feeling real full right now. *burp* juz came back from an 8 course dinner with kok's grandfather in SF. Ah, the joys of having a big car. =) sure kena invited one. hehe. but now it's time to hit my books again, coz i've got a midterm at 8am, followed by 2 quizzes. i hate mondays.
anywez, i've managed to get my archive for september up and running. there's something wrong with the script so i had to add it using brute force. looks like whatever little HTML i know came in handy.
on a more sombre note, the world is just not safe anywhere anymore. pretty sickening stuff.
Sunday, October 13, 2002
duck soup for the soul
yay!! i made kiam chye ak (duck w/ salted vegetables) soup for dinner today. many thanks to mum and grandma for their help. yippeeeee! although it is not as nice as my granny's soup, it was still a nice reminder of yummilicious home cooked food. mmmm. i'll go to bed happy tonight. =)
yepyep, had a happy day. slept in till 1130...then checked our some garage sales with hk. garage sales are fun...you get to discover hidden treasures , while enjoying the fresh air and sunshine at the same time. There's something magical about soaking in the sunshine, and feeling the wind in your hair, while being driven around in a cool blue convertible with the top down. Then, the Blue Angels (kinda like our Black Knights) airshow was going on in SF at 3pm, so we took a drive up Moeser Lane, hoping to catch a glimpse of the jets. the view of the bay was as usual, breathtaking. But unfortunately the planes were the size of ants lor...so quite hard to see them do any 'seh' formations. Nevertheless, just standing on the road divider high up on the hill, on a sunny, cloudless day was a thrill in itself. After that, watched Cal-USC football game. we lost. damn, i think i'm a jinx to the football team. the last time i watched, we lost too. poor hk, i think it affected him enough to mess up his mood. uh oh. hope he feels better soon.
----------------
three people in the past three days have asked me if i cut my hair. no, i have not, although it'll be nice if my hair could spontaneously groom itself. then i could change hairstyles everyday. then i could go rob a bank and no one would know. right.
yay!! i made kiam chye ak (duck w/ salted vegetables) soup for dinner today. many thanks to mum and grandma for their help. yippeeeee! although it is not as nice as my granny's soup, it was still a nice reminder of yummilicious home cooked food. mmmm. i'll go to bed happy tonight. =)
yepyep, had a happy day. slept in till 1130...then checked our some garage sales with hk. garage sales are fun...you get to discover hidden treasures , while enjoying the fresh air and sunshine at the same time. There's something magical about soaking in the sunshine, and feeling the wind in your hair, while being driven around in a cool blue convertible with the top down. Then, the Blue Angels (kinda like our Black Knights) airshow was going on in SF at 3pm, so we took a drive up Moeser Lane, hoping to catch a glimpse of the jets. the view of the bay was as usual, breathtaking. But unfortunately the planes were the size of ants lor...so quite hard to see them do any 'seh' formations. Nevertheless, just standing on the road divider high up on the hill, on a sunny, cloudless day was a thrill in itself. After that, watched Cal-USC football game. we lost. damn, i think i'm a jinx to the football team. the last time i watched, we lost too. poor hk, i think it affected him enough to mess up his mood. uh oh. hope he feels better soon.
----------------
three people in the past three days have asked me if i cut my hair. no, i have not, although it'll be nice if my hair could spontaneously groom itself. then i could change hairstyles everyday. then i could go rob a bank and no one would know. right.
Saturday, October 12, 2002
she was
it suddenly struck me that my grandmother was dead. i hadn't thought of it for a long while. i felt guilty, because maybe it meant that i didn't care enough, didn't think of her enough. There i was sitting in my garage, talking to my other grandma on the hp. i was trying to grovel some yummy recipes out of her, and she very gladly told me exactly what to do(not that i understood what she said). It was really fun speaking to her in broken hokkien and getting a reply in broken engrish. yar, so anyway. My grandfather seemed practically overjoyed that i was calling for recipes. He was like smiling so hard that i could hear a bigbig grin in his voice. you know what i mean? And so the conversation ended on a very good note, and happy was i.
Then it occured to me that i don't do this same thing with my other grandmother. and i remembered, with a pang of regret, that she had passed on. Despite the daily visits to the hospital, the funeral, the prayers and the like over summer, it just hasn't really sunk in yet. She's dead. dead. but life for us goes on, just like it did before. I didn't cry then, i haven't cried till now. i don't think i will, ever, about her death. but i miss her. To me, she was always the 'other' grandmother. She was not the one who raised me. i never lived with her. She was not the loving, maternal one. She never hugged or showed her affection. She was not the generous and giving one. she never gave presents. She was not the interesting one. she kept on talking about her past, things that happened months, years and even decades ago. the same things over and over and over again.
BUT. She was the fiercely independant one, she brought up 2 adopted children, unmarried, all by herself. She was the one that never complained. she just kept on going. She was the strong one. she never fell ill, and never complained when she was (up till the day she died). She had lost most of her property during the Japanese occupation, but she scrimped and saved to put my dad through university. She was frugal (in every sense of the word). Her nice clothes were just a newer brighter version of her everyday clothes. She never ate more than enough. didn't crave the good things in life. thought that everything was more expensive than it should be. she even asked for a not-too-elaborate funeral. She looked almost the same everyday for 21 years of my life. the same unfussy hair and clothes. everyday. the same spunky old lady who refused to give in to old age. Her sprit never left her, till the day she died. It was her body that gave up.
She was 93 when she died. a ripe old age. She was admirable in every way. i wish that it didn't take her illness for me to spend more time with her. I learnt quite a bit more about her in those few months. why she chose to adopt children, her family background, and so on. but more importantly, i learnt that she loved us so much despite not showing it, that she too craved affection, that she liked having her hand held. I learnt that like us, she has her own special stories to share about things that mean a lot to her. She was once 21 too, and must have felt as we do now. hopeful about the future...experiencing first love...making new friends...exploring new found freedom? yet somehow, to the younger generations, the memories of an old person just doesn't seem to be as real. but one day, we will be in their shoes, and what happened to us today, will then be seen as nothing more than insignificant recollections of our past.
I still remember looking at her body that night, and upon seeing it so devoid of life, i felt weird. Didn't cry but was a little shocked. Because it just didn't really seem like her to die. Yup. it was then that i realised what a incredibly strong person she had been, and how she never showed any signs of weariness for life. And how she just kept on living each day without thinking about the end.
I cry, not because of her death, but because i miss her, and the strength that she showed.
and because the world needs more people like her.
it suddenly struck me that my grandmother was dead. i hadn't thought of it for a long while. i felt guilty, because maybe it meant that i didn't care enough, didn't think of her enough. There i was sitting in my garage, talking to my other grandma on the hp. i was trying to grovel some yummy recipes out of her, and she very gladly told me exactly what to do(not that i understood what she said). It was really fun speaking to her in broken hokkien and getting a reply in broken engrish. yar, so anyway. My grandfather seemed practically overjoyed that i was calling for recipes. He was like smiling so hard that i could hear a bigbig grin in his voice. you know what i mean? And so the conversation ended on a very good note, and happy was i.
Then it occured to me that i don't do this same thing with my other grandmother. and i remembered, with a pang of regret, that she had passed on. Despite the daily visits to the hospital, the funeral, the prayers and the like over summer, it just hasn't really sunk in yet. She's dead. dead. but life for us goes on, just like it did before. I didn't cry then, i haven't cried till now. i don't think i will, ever, about her death. but i miss her. To me, she was always the 'other' grandmother. She was not the one who raised me. i never lived with her. She was not the loving, maternal one. She never hugged or showed her affection. She was not the generous and giving one. she never gave presents. She was not the interesting one. she kept on talking about her past, things that happened months, years and even decades ago. the same things over and over and over again.
BUT. She was the fiercely independant one, she brought up 2 adopted children, unmarried, all by herself. She was the one that never complained. she just kept on going. She was the strong one. she never fell ill, and never complained when she was (up till the day she died). She had lost most of her property during the Japanese occupation, but she scrimped and saved to put my dad through university. She was frugal (in every sense of the word). Her nice clothes were just a newer brighter version of her everyday clothes. She never ate more than enough. didn't crave the good things in life. thought that everything was more expensive than it should be. she even asked for a not-too-elaborate funeral. She looked almost the same everyday for 21 years of my life. the same unfussy hair and clothes. everyday. the same spunky old lady who refused to give in to old age. Her sprit never left her, till the day she died. It was her body that gave up.
She was 93 when she died. a ripe old age. She was admirable in every way. i wish that it didn't take her illness for me to spend more time with her. I learnt quite a bit more about her in those few months. why she chose to adopt children, her family background, and so on. but more importantly, i learnt that she loved us so much despite not showing it, that she too craved affection, that she liked having her hand held. I learnt that like us, she has her own special stories to share about things that mean a lot to her. She was once 21 too, and must have felt as we do now. hopeful about the future...experiencing first love...making new friends...exploring new found freedom? yet somehow, to the younger generations, the memories of an old person just doesn't seem to be as real. but one day, we will be in their shoes, and what happened to us today, will then be seen as nothing more than insignificant recollections of our past.
I still remember looking at her body that night, and upon seeing it so devoid of life, i felt weird. Didn't cry but was a little shocked. Because it just didn't really seem like her to die. Yup. it was then that i realised what a incredibly strong person she had been, and how she never showed any signs of weariness for life. And how she just kept on living each day without thinking about the end.
I cry, not because of her death, but because i miss her, and the strength that she showed.
and because the world needs more people like her.
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
blogger woes
help! my posts for the month of september are not appearing in the archives. dunno know what is wrong. blogger hates me. i really want a layout change soon. perhaps this will be the final push i need. but not this week lah. too much work. feeling so bogged down. need to go back to bashing my head into the wall. argh.
hmm. i have a tingly feeling on my cheek. wonder why. *prodprod*
mebbe someone sent me a flying kiss.
heh, this is how i make myself feel better.
so sad hor?
help! my posts for the month of september are not appearing in the archives. dunno know what is wrong. blogger hates me. i really want a layout change soon. perhaps this will be the final push i need. but not this week lah. too much work. feeling so bogged down. need to go back to bashing my head into the wall. argh.
hmm. i have a tingly feeling on my cheek. wonder why. *prodprod*
mebbe someone sent me a flying kiss.
heh, this is how i make myself feel better.
so sad hor?
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
morning blues
woke up at 7am this morning, thinking that i had a class at 8. but class is at 10am. oh well, but since i am up, i am up...albeit rather grouchy. bewarebeware. oh well, guess watching sesame street in german class later won't require thaaat much thinking. got an email from someone i met over summer, in singapore. what a pleasant surprise to hear from die Fee. our other halves are long-time friends, with a common interest in music, guitar and err..messiness. met her only once though, and was left with a good impression. i bought a pair of handmade earrings from her, and sold her a bracelet in turn, amidst the bustling crowd at the Clarke Quay sunday flea market. enjoyed that conversation at CHIJmes too. beautiful memories of summer. i really had a wonderful three months...three wonderful months where i didn't bother to blog coz i was having too much fun!
happy! just spoke to daryl on the phone.. he's moved into a permanent place, finally! and now there's a telephone number where i can call him and bother him whenever, rather than staring at the phone and willing it to ring. =) poor boy doesn't know how to cook. he went to the asian supermarket and bought...*drumroll*...instant noodles. how exciting hor? hehe. can't wait till thanksgiving to see him again. perhaps his hair will have all fallen out by then.
gotta rush to school now, time flies by when you're having fun, doesn't it?
woke up at 7am this morning, thinking that i had a class at 8. but class is at 10am. oh well, but since i am up, i am up...albeit rather grouchy. bewarebeware. oh well, guess watching sesame street in german class later won't require thaaat much thinking. got an email from someone i met over summer, in singapore. what a pleasant surprise to hear from die Fee. our other halves are long-time friends, with a common interest in music, guitar and err..messiness. met her only once though, and was left with a good impression. i bought a pair of handmade earrings from her, and sold her a bracelet in turn, amidst the bustling crowd at the Clarke Quay sunday flea market. enjoyed that conversation at CHIJmes too. beautiful memories of summer. i really had a wonderful three months...three wonderful months where i didn't bother to blog coz i was having too much fun!
happy! just spoke to daryl on the phone.. he's moved into a permanent place, finally! and now there's a telephone number where i can call him and bother him whenever, rather than staring at the phone and willing it to ring. =) poor boy doesn't know how to cook. he went to the asian supermarket and bought...*drumroll*...instant noodles. how exciting hor? hehe. can't wait till thanksgiving to see him again. perhaps his hair will have all fallen out by then.
gotta rush to school now, time flies by when you're having fun, doesn't it?
Sunday, October 06, 2002
weekend snapshots
mood:
hard at work (i hope)
Had a great weekend, and don't want it to end coz *sigh* i have a midterm monday morning, for one the the classes that i'm clueless about homework but life goes on anyways coz who gives a heck about me?
Friday i went to the CSA karaoke (noooo...not ka-ri-oh-kee) competition. It was pretty entertaining, and Xiaowei was really good. She did two pitch perfect renditions of Ah-Mei songs, but lost out to a kinda toot guy with an andy lau-ish voice (who sang Eric Moo for the final! ack!) and the ultimate winner, a caucasian girl(singing in english) who truly deserved the win, although some people were kinda peeved at that.There was a funny Jay Chou rap, the usual Jeff Chang ballad plus impossible to sing Coco Lee and Sun Yan Zi songs.. but sadly the MCs were making bad jokes (sea lion noises?!) and were kinda toot. oh well. Popped down to 88 dwinelle too...and the Singapore movie night night seemed to have been quite a success. I Not Stupid is a really good movie, and is in a language that more accurately reflects our own. There's a right mix of english, mandarin, hokkien and slang such that we can relate to what is being enacted on screen. Wanted to watch it again...but couldn't be in 2 places at one time. =(
Saturday was great too. Went up to Tilden for TBP picnic thing...the entire thing was rather disorganized. They almost couldn't have a BBQ coz no one had a light. But it was a glorious way to enjoy a beautiful sunny morning. but it got better. After the picnic Kai and i drove down to the Tilden golf course (but only after getting a little lost) and spent the afternoon at the driving range. I'm terribly lousy at it, can't seem to hit the ball right smack in the center. *sniff* can't wait to go down again, despite the blisters and sore muscles. Yep... it was nice to spend a lazy afternoon with a good friend. But it got better.
Spent the better part of saturday night at Henry's with Kok and Kai, and once again really enjoyed myself. Mentioned it before in the 22nd Sept entry...and it was nice all over again. It's funny how kok doesn't really bother to act all proper in front of me..and does all this vulgar swearing and makes all these crude jokes (about me even! boo!! )....and strangely, i just have hella lot of fun. The three of us talk about soccer, football, people, the past, chio bus, our other halves, and even how male porn stars have the best job in the world (says Kok, like he knows). But, i suspect i was just asked along to be the designated driver, should Kai drink his brains out. =P but they only had 4 beers each, so i had to join in the fun too right? Tried a 'Van Gogh Appletini'...stylo eh? It was pretty tasty, no strong alcoholic bitterness at all...though it was quite strong. Yar, trust me, i drank on an empty stomach. Bad idea. but no, i didn't end the night stumbling down stairs, crashing my car into a tree, or waking up in a strange bed. I bought pad thai...which thankfully helped. Great fun. looking forward till next weekend when we'll do it again. Must practice right? coz he doesn't drink, and i'll have to down all the yam sengs. =) hehz...wishful thinking.
And the magic continued on till today even. Woke up to a liverpool-chealsea match, with great company to boot. Fellow liverpool fan Sudhir came by with a bowl of his super chicken curry, and we enjoyed a last-gasp liverpool victory (woohoo!). Mmm, what a way to start the day. had a heartwarming conversation with darly, and it felt like the conversation would never end...but it had to, eventually, but it helped chase some of that loneliness away. It's never the same not having each other around. the world becomes ever that much more beautiful when you've got someone to share it with. argh. stop thinking about this. stopstopstop! thanksgiving come soon!
yar, i haven't done anything much despite a midterm tomorrow. As of now, i have not yet started studying for the class. However, i have dilligently planned my schedule for next semester, watched some tv, taken a nap, blogged, and eaten. I have even written a 300 word fairytale, in german. Astute readers will accurately deduce that yes, i am screwed.
and the weather so so damn hot.
“It’s difficult to fish in Singapore waters. Because fishes in Singapore are like Singaporeans, die also don’t open mouth.”
--I Not Stupid
mood:
hard at work (i hope)
Had a great weekend, and don't want it to end coz *sigh* i have a midterm monday morning, for one the the classes that i'm clueless about homework but life goes on anyways coz who gives a heck about me?
Friday i went to the CSA karaoke (noooo...not ka-ri-oh-kee) competition. It was pretty entertaining, and Xiaowei was really good. She did two pitch perfect renditions of Ah-Mei songs, but lost out to a kinda toot guy with an andy lau-ish voice (who sang Eric Moo for the final! ack!) and the ultimate winner, a caucasian girl(singing in english) who truly deserved the win, although some people were kinda peeved at that.There was a funny Jay Chou rap, the usual Jeff Chang ballad plus impossible to sing Coco Lee and Sun Yan Zi songs.. but sadly the MCs were making bad jokes (sea lion noises?!) and were kinda toot. oh well. Popped down to 88 dwinelle too...and the Singapore movie night night seemed to have been quite a success. I Not Stupid is a really good movie, and is in a language that more accurately reflects our own. There's a right mix of english, mandarin, hokkien and slang such that we can relate to what is being enacted on screen. Wanted to watch it again...but couldn't be in 2 places at one time. =(
Saturday was great too. Went up to Tilden for TBP picnic thing...the entire thing was rather disorganized. They almost couldn't have a BBQ coz no one had a light. But it was a glorious way to enjoy a beautiful sunny morning. but it got better. After the picnic Kai and i drove down to the Tilden golf course (but only after getting a little lost) and spent the afternoon at the driving range. I'm terribly lousy at it, can't seem to hit the ball right smack in the center. *sniff* can't wait to go down again, despite the blisters and sore muscles. Yep... it was nice to spend a lazy afternoon with a good friend. But it got better.
Spent the better part of saturday night at Henry's with Kok and Kai, and once again really enjoyed myself. Mentioned it before in the 22nd Sept entry...and it was nice all over again. It's funny how kok doesn't really bother to act all proper in front of me..and does all this vulgar swearing and makes all these crude jokes (about me even! boo!! )....and strangely, i just have hella lot of fun. The three of us talk about soccer, football, people, the past, chio bus, our other halves, and even how male porn stars have the best job in the world (says Kok, like he knows). But, i suspect i was just asked along to be the designated driver, should Kai drink his brains out. =P but they only had 4 beers each, so i had to join in the fun too right? Tried a 'Van Gogh Appletini'...stylo eh? It was pretty tasty, no strong alcoholic bitterness at all...though it was quite strong. Yar, trust me, i drank on an empty stomach. Bad idea. but no, i didn't end the night stumbling down stairs, crashing my car into a tree, or waking up in a strange bed. I bought pad thai...which thankfully helped. Great fun. looking forward till next weekend when we'll do it again. Must practice right? coz he doesn't drink, and i'll have to down all the yam sengs. =) hehz...wishful thinking.
And the magic continued on till today even. Woke up to a liverpool-chealsea match, with great company to boot. Fellow liverpool fan Sudhir came by with a bowl of his super chicken curry, and we enjoyed a last-gasp liverpool victory (woohoo!). Mmm, what a way to start the day. had a heartwarming conversation with darly, and it felt like the conversation would never end...but it had to, eventually, but it helped chase some of that loneliness away. It's never the same not having each other around. the world becomes ever that much more beautiful when you've got someone to share it with. argh. stop thinking about this. stopstopstop! thanksgiving come soon!
yar, i haven't done anything much despite a midterm tomorrow. As of now, i have not yet started studying for the class. However, i have dilligently planned my schedule for next semester, watched some tv, taken a nap, blogged, and eaten. I have even written a 300 word fairytale, in german. Astute readers will accurately deduce that yes, i am screwed.
and the weather so so damn hot.
“It’s difficult to fish in Singapore waters. Because fishes in Singapore are like Singaporeans, die also don’t open mouth.”
--I Not Stupid
Thursday, October 03, 2002
NAYS!
worryworryworry...i'm going to do so badly. It is my worst and most stressful semester ever. don't know how to do BioE homework. i feel so stupid. My classmate and i spent the entire night working on it. Yesh, i slept at 5am this morning...i don't know how i managed to drive back from Berkeley. boo. Plus, most of our answers were crap. i'm going to do below the mean for this homework, AGAIN. *tears hair out* i need chocolate...
----------------
we get to talk so little. too little. he's unreachable right now. calls me from a pay fone as often as he cans. but there's only one that seems to be able to call toll-free. plus, its expensive. but so much is happening right now. i just need to know what is happening with him. whether he's safe, whether he's eaten, whether he's got housing. i have all these questions to ask...and he has so much to tell....but at 50 cents/min...we really can't afford the luxury of long conversations twice a day. wish i could fly over right now. *sigh*
YAYS!
Liverpool 5 - Spartak Moscow 0
Schumi-Barrichello 1-2
---------------
another reason why i can't wait for him to get housing: I found the perfect card for him a few days ago. absolutely p-e-r-f-e-c-t. =)
worryworryworry...i'm going to do so badly. It is my worst and most stressful semester ever. don't know how to do BioE homework. i feel so stupid. My classmate and i spent the entire night working on it. Yesh, i slept at 5am this morning...i don't know how i managed to drive back from Berkeley. boo. Plus, most of our answers were crap. i'm going to do below the mean for this homework, AGAIN. *tears hair out* i need chocolate...
----------------
we get to talk so little. too little. he's unreachable right now. calls me from a pay fone as often as he cans. but there's only one that seems to be able to call toll-free. plus, its expensive. but so much is happening right now. i just need to know what is happening with him. whether he's safe, whether he's eaten, whether he's got housing. i have all these questions to ask...and he has so much to tell....but at 50 cents/min...we really can't afford the luxury of long conversations twice a day. wish i could fly over right now. *sigh*
YAYS!
Liverpool 5 - Spartak Moscow 0
Schumi-Barrichello 1-2
---------------
another reason why i can't wait for him to get housing: I found the perfect card for him a few days ago. absolutely p-e-r-f-e-c-t. =)
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